I'll Crawl Home To Her
by WonderousPlaceForAnEcho
Summary: How Quinn & Rachel try again through they're not together during undergrad in the summer. (Rated M for 2nd chapter)
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: This is how Quinn &amp; Rachel keep trying. Not as romantic or sweet as my other stories I suppose. Title from the song Work Song by Hozier. Mostly told through Quinn's perspective. I admit its jumpy because that's how my brain works. Trying to make this 2 chapters because long stories are a commitment &amp; I need to work on my damn book. But if anyone wants to possibly be amused by random comments feel free to check out my twitter at PlaceForAnEcho

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It was typical, almost pedestrian and mundane, she rationalized. Getting coffee with someone was a daily activity and she'd done it dozens of times with friends and even a few dates in the last month alone. She tilted her head and thought this wasn't like the blind dates she'd painfully tolerated and went on due to lost bets with Santana.

She took a sip of her "espresso with a splash of milk" the barista called it as she was handed her drink to the blonde with a smile. Quinn had raised her sunglasses to perch on her head, made brief eye contact and said thanks. It amused her she could make people halt a little or as Brittany called it-glitch.

Rachel used to get annoyed at people for it. Sometimes she'd make tense comments to Quinn until Puck sent her a text filled with typos that Quinn's appeal was out of her control, people had eyes, and Quinn was hers anyway, so knock it off Jew babe was the message more or less.

Now the college student was sitting at a table outside The Lima Bean wishing she could be at an ocean with her headphones and ipod enjoying Bon Iver because she desperately wanted to relax. And there were certain bands she felt were best appreciated in certain settings. Since being back in Lima she could handle 2 hours with her mother and then she had to recharge. It was going to be a long summer at this rate if she kept thinking about Rachel. To be honest, which she was to a fault these days, she was thinking about Rachel months before she knew she'd be in town. That led to overthinking, waiting, reworking hypothetical conversations and wondering.

It led her to the position of more waiting because Rachel was late. Even when they were dating the brunette was consistently 10 minutes behind. Quinn imagined she'd be waiting for Rachel as long as they stayed in one another's lives.

The clouds moved out of the sun's path and Quinn put her sunglasses back on, feeling more secure and less vulnerable. Rachel had said her hazel eyes told a story of her moods.

"Some people have said I'm mysterious," she replied easily as she stretched out in the bed. Rachel had taken her jaw into her palm, looked over her features slowly and reconnected to her eyes. "They aren't looking hard enough then," the singer said gently.

Quinn missed those moments. The peacefulness, the tranquility they had and gentleness Rachel had with her. At first with Rachel's drama and throw herself 110% into anything she was passionate about they were intense and crashing into each other like magnets or like 2 bolts of lightning meeting in one location. That made sense to Quinn. She'd considered that once when she was tipsy. The smaller girl in all her unbridled passion and attitude made her feel more than she had with anyone. With their history is was inevitably dramatic but she made her emotions seem other worldly and the ground unfamiliar because being with Rachel was unpredictable. Beautifully unexpected because there were moments of calmness that was just Rachel and her musings and honesty that made Quinn appreciate the maturing Rachel, though she still loved, and would outwardly admit she loved the opinionated, driven, glee obsessed girl too, but had expressed each layer of Rachel's layers was more beautiful than the last. As was the blushing that followed, but Quinn had kept that comment to herself.

They had ended equally painfully. The blonde almost flinched as she thought over their past conversations and having watched Rachel cry that wasn't brought on by a song or her own demand but by the feeling of disintegrating and falling apart. She imagined the act or sensation of falling was the most difficult because it was forced. They still cared about each other, still loved, but she once drunkenly questioned if souls had moods. If they would feel heavy or lighter depending on how life was playing out. When her mind would drift to philosophy, which was easier than approaching the emotional attachments and triggers linked to religion she had once said to Spencer after the study group had long dispersed that "maybe the universe was constantly expanding to fit all the souls. That made sense right?" She had asked through half open eyes.

The lithe brunette had said after a pause and consideration, "Maybe. Or it's like that slightly pretentious art movie you had me watch…" she trailed off, the alcohol hitting her too and getting sidetracked as they listened to Youth by Daughter because the music was too good to not give undivided attention to.

"I Origins.." Quinn offered. "I don't only like independent movies," she tried to defend herself.

"Yeah..your secret love of musicals too," Spencer said with a smirk as she sat further back in the chair, letting her law review book fall to the floor. "But really…reincarnation makes sense too, but in theory the universe could be expanding to fit everyone's souls..but that's all theory and faith sans facts." She said simply.

"Mmm. Did you know a woman discovered what the universe is mostly made of?" The blonde started and watched as Spencer smiled. Alcohol made Quinn have a touch of ADD. "Its bullshit they don't teach that in school," she finished. Spencer smiled more, her cheek bones becoming more prominent until she leaned over and gave the heady woman a kiss on the cheek.

"I know you obvious feminist." She said after she pulled back and smirked because Quinn cursed like a sailor with liquor in her.

It would be easy to fall in love with her...Quinn thought as she looked into similar brown eyes, though Spencer's had a dark, intense ring around them that made her look shrewd and a force to reckon with. It could be easy to fall, possibly freeing, because the Pennsylvania native challenged her verbally whenever she got the chance. Thee blonde always enjoyed her snarky comments because it seemed so uncharacteristic of someone who seemed so uptight and proper.

But she was sitting at a table, waiting for Rachel because Spencer wasn't Rachel. Simple as that. They were both unique, but gorgeous and beautiful were different things in her mind. Gorgeous seemed about outside presentation and aesthetics. The best way she had described it to Santana and why she hadn't tried to make it work with Spencer was… "the best analogy I can come up with," she said with a frown, followed by an eye roll from Santana because of freaking course Quinn had to make it all intellectual, "I think some models are gorgeous, outwardly, but I don't know them, it's just the surface, and beauty is deeper. Its personality, it's on some soul level, it's about character..and I'm sure Spencer is beautiful..but I'm I haven't moved past Rachel and I'm busy…and it takes time to learn someone."

"Your life Q," Santana said without judgment because Quinn was her own worst enemy and she was too tired to argue. She saved that for dealing with her own clients.

"I'm late, I know. I'm…" Rachel started but set her purse on the bench, stopping the word sorry from tumbling out of her lips. "You look..good," she settled on but wanted to say stunning. You're the most beautiful girl I know. She repeated in her head for what felt like the thousandth time since being around Quinn. Though she wished she'd take off her sunglasses but she wasn't about to ask her to. The blonde didn't owe her anything, it would feel strange to ask her to so she moved to the bench and turned her attention to her purse to get her wallet.

"Wouldn't want to break tradition would you?" Quinn tried to joke gently because she didn't want to start off with any bitter tone. She'd moved beyond that months ago. Her goal was to avoid drama and operate within the self-made boundaries and restrictions of being acquaintances. She knew this because she asked if Rachel considered her a friend.

The answer had shifted everything, forced her to reassess because 'not yet, friendship is a two way deal and I'm not there yet' was an emotional slap, honesty could be brutal and unapologetic like that. Her response had been a very short ok because really what else was there to say to that? Spencer had said, "that doesn't make sense," with one of her intense frowns. "there was plenty you COULD and SHOULD have said like yeah I don't consider you one either or whatever that means, I'm not the type of person you deserve to have as a friend anyway OR fuck you Rachel."

The last 1 had made Quinn half smile, half smirk because Spencer cursed more than she did. She smirked now thinking about the conversation and Rachel for a second wanted to ask Quinn what she was thinking about because she seemed far away. Their text conversation was out of the blue and brief. The singer didn't know why she was in town. She thought she'd stay at Yale and take more classes simply because she loved the atmosphere and learning. There wasn't a day that Quinn didn't have a book in her hands. It was endearing and Rachel loved that the books said a little and so much about the blonde's personality, gave some clues to the outside world about her internal workings. Books also provided a shield for Quinn. A blockade and an obvious physical wall for people to leave her alone, but Rachel loved that could once upon a time push her index finger against the binding to bring it away from the blonde's line of vision. She'd smile and Quinn would give her undivided attention which only made Rachel smile more that the book worm would drop the classics and her beloved literature to just sit with her. "You look like a little kid saying come play with me when you do that," Quinn said amused and Rachel loved that she could make Quinn seem lighter in some ways. The blonde always seemed more mature and advanced than her age with her mannerisms, hands that were strong but were so gentle with her.

"How have you been…since.." the last word stumbled out of her mouth, her teeth couldn't stop it, verbal vomit from nervousness. Her thoughts reminded her of a Florence and the Machine song Quinn had her listen to years ago. She remembered everything with Quinn.

The time Quinn raised her voice, though she hated to because she grew up in a house with a lot of yelling or silence that was equally as affective. It was always two extremes Quinn had explained when one of their mutual friends said Quinn was the calm one while Rachel had all the fire. In the privacy of Quinn's apartment she explained she never wanted to be like her parents. Most days it was difficult for her to admit she was related to them after she was kicked out and to an extent abandoned because that cut wasn't about to heal over completely. But the "since" was their "break up" when Quinn said she couldn't keep giving and feeling unbalanced that she kept asking herself why was she trying. Rachel was frustrated that Quinn couldn't wait until she made it onto the stage and received professional recognition. They both knew Rachel loved the stage and belonged there in the way that was inevitable, undeniable and Quinn felt it had to happen because Rachel's talent shouldn't be denied to an audience. But they hadn't seen each other in months and she was losing reasons to keep up the effort. Rachel had tried the occasional text after Quinn was resolute on needing space and to "focus on herself" but in the heat of the moment the smaller girl had stated that was selfish of Quinn and the blonde quickly replied back, "you're doing the exact same thing. Maybe its self-care, its needed. I have to do well in school or I don't have anything," she finished with a raised tone. To Rachel it was clear this was Quinn yelling because her hands were trembling while the rest of her was stone and composed.

Quinn looked softer now. Yale was good for her. She looked more mature and less marble than she had a year ago.

"I've been okay," she said honestly because Spencer once said she was honest to a damn fault. But she didn't want to go through small talk. Time didn't seem to be on their side. Summer lasted so long and then they'd be back at their respective schools, trains away from each other, and she wanted this conversation so she could have set restrictions and a limit on how much hope and emotional investment she could put into Rachel. "Listen…" she said gently but with command because she didn't want to know everything about Rachel. The singer said they weren't friends and in turn Quinn felt she didn't need to know every other detail in her life. And Rachel didn't need to know everything about her. That she had moments of depression where she was content to sleep til 11, didn't feel like eating, wanted to watch movie after movie of scripted drama because life didn't always hold happy endings. How although she was intellectually challenged and enjoying college she felt isolated because she rarely spoke with her mother and sister. The summer was her attempt at mending that. Fixing wasn't possible, she knew, but healing held potential. Abandonment doesn't wash away in years, it stayed in the back of her mind, knocking on her emotional bam until it cracked and was shown in being withdrawn and depressed. "I want to have a conversation about how we can work on ourselves, but not be together while growing towards friendship."

Rachel frowned slowly. "What?"

The blonde admitted she should be blunt and not be so wordy. It was counter-productive to her previous thought of not having time. She squared her shoulders. "We're not friends and I accept that's your feeling"..as best I can.."so how do you feel about casual sex?" She tried to ask nonchalantly as though it was a common discussion for her.

Brown eyes widened comically, followed by her mouth falling open. And if Quinn wasn't so focused on being on the same page and having a concrete result to the conversation she would have laughed.

Rachel blinked once and frowned deeper. "…excuse me..what?"

"We're not friends…but we were always good at physically connecting," she worded since they were in public. "I'm here for a while and I miss that with you but I don't want to go on dates." She paused to give Rachel a moment. "Because that's the same dynamic as before and I have to avoid that." She finished and avoided saying we have to avoid that because they weren't a we. They were Rachel and Quinn, they weren't a unit and over the last year she questioned if they ever were.

"Let me get this right…" Rachel started slowly and refused to say the word straight, as the expression goes because she didn't want to joke through this… "you want to have sex with me, but not be friends?" She frowned and looked at the table. "Well if that doesn't make me feel cheap and insignificant I don't know what would…"

"Rachel…" Quinn started slowly and wanted to avoid an accusatory tone. She took a much needed deep breath and let the moment pass of saying YOU said WE WEREN'T friends! "If we aren't friends it can't be considered friends with benefits." Her tone was factual. "Which I'm sure is easier to accept, but that leaves casual sex." She didn't add more because she wanted Rachel to digest that. She was throwing a lot at her.

"…you're serious?" Rachel asked just to make sure she wasn't in a Twilight Zone or that she'd fallen through the trap door during a Broadway show, hit her head and was having the strangest dream she'd ever had involving Quinn. She didn't really like this dream. Dream Quinn was usually kissing her, whispering in her ear she was disgustingly talented and was proud of her. Sometimes she was pushed up against her dressing room desk but this was not what her subconscious usually came up with.

The blonde gave a small nod and took a sip of her coffee. Rachel watched and noticed she didn't have her usual latte and thankfully saw an excuse for a break from the strangest conversation she'd ever had with Quinn. This was the girl who was once the president of the celibacy club…bringing up casual sex…with her…

"I'm going to get my coffee…" she said too enthusiastically as she got up and didn't care whatsoever that she was incredibly transparent. She wanted to shake Quinn and yell "stop with your eyebrow raising. This isn't amusing and I hate that you have a signature expression that has always been appealing!" Instead she quickly got up and went into the coffee shop. So quickly that she forget her purse. She missed Quinn's head tilt and small smirk. Rattling Rachel was one of her favorite things to do once upon a time. Once upon a time was beginning to be the phrase that played in her head on repeat.

"You might need this," she said to Rachel as she stood next to her in line and handed her purse to the smaller woman. The height difference was more pronounced now that she had heels on, but her eyes still went to her lips.

"Thanks," Rachel sad slightly above a whisper. Still wrapped in her thoughts, still wondering if she was dreaming, but she had pinched herself to make sure and it hurt so…she was staring at the menu feeling déjà vu when she'd stand close as the blonde ordered their drinks, knowing her drink by heart.

Quinn remained silent, letting Rachel have her space without the distraction of more conversation. But she refused to order, let alone buy Rachel's coffee because they weren't friends, she repeated for whatever countless time. She'd lost track. And she was certain she once spent 300 dollars on coffee for Rachel in a year. A small part of her was confused that Rachel moved closer to her, too close for just friends, but thought it was out of familiarity more than anything. The reason seemed valid and she was busy rationalizing it that she didn't catch Rachel order her drink, pay, and politely excuse herself when her phone rang.

The barista gave a small smile and started to steam the soy milk. When the machine stopped she looked over to Quinn and said, "For the sake of honesty I'm glad I didn't flirt with you earlier. You and your girlfriend are cute together." She smiled and put the lid on.

"She's not my…" Quinn started and took the cup that was handed to her, but ended with the clichéd "its complicated," she almost cringed but was content Jackie and Wilson was playing through the speakers. Music was always a nice escape and she hoped that wasn't going to change because she had just bought Hozier's album last week to go with her record player splurge. She walked away with a small smile and almost bumped into Rachel.

"Thank you," Rachel beat her to talking and was careful not to touch. She was still thrown by Quinn's previous question. Her mind had been screaming casual sex! Casual sex…what the hell! Just because I live in New York City doesn't mean I have casual freaking sex! And she had to end her thoughts because she couldn't think about sex while talking to her dad. Now she was back to internally freaking out. Quinn could see it-all of Rachel's tells that she was nervous. She was trying to conceal it but the Hand that wasn't holding her caffeine fix was twitching.

"Want to sit down?" The taller woman offered.

"Yes. Outside please," she added because she needed air. Also she had thought about having sex with Quinn since she planted the seed in her head. The blonde only nodded and Rachel frowned further because this was a quiet Quinn. More so than usual. And she wondered if that was new or if it was because the topic of conversation was bizarre. Maybe she was in a world that was the cousin of The Twilight Zone.

Once she was seated again she tapped her finger against the lid, wanted Quinn to start talking and waiting. But apparently Quinn had more patience than her. Which was always the case.

"You're serious about this?" She felt like double checking and intensely looked the blonde over who seemed at ease except for her shoulder muscles that were strained. Quinn's one tell that it wasn't an easy as she was making it seem.

"Yes." A single word. Rachel felt she deserved more than a word.

"You don't want to work on being friends and but you want to fuck me when you can?" she said raising her voice a little. New York City had made her a bit more brazen, the fast paced, tense, ever changing city rubbed off on her but she still cared they were in public. She watched as Quinn took a controlled breath through her nose repeatedly. How Quinn was getting annoyed was beyond her thinking because she was still floored and her anger was rising. "You realize how cheap that is?" She asked but more demanded.

"That's understandable. I'd likely feel the same way. Though you said you weren't there yet with friendship because it's a 2 way street and I know how to be a friend. I think you know that," she said with narrowed eyes but didn't hold a tense tone, though it would have been incredibly easy to give into a defensive tone because Rachel was insinuating she was intentionally trying to make Rachel feel cheap.

They both knew Quinn had been supportive, had loved her as best she could. Made her laugh, made her cry, made her feel, made her believe what they had touched something that was other worldly…once upon a time.

"This is messy….you don't like messy." Rachel said accusatory that Quinn was being unrealistic or that this wasn't Quinn and how dare an alien pod person her…where was her Quinn? Where is my Quinn?

"That's true," Quinn stated calmly. "But we're conveniently in the same town and correct me if I'm wrong..we both still care for each other," she said tentatively because it was really an assumption intertwined with hope.

"Yes…I do still care about you," still love you she thought. However Quinn took the hesitancy as giving in and an offering of those words as a courtesy.

"Ok." She replied bluntly because she needed to reformat her approach and remind herself to not react emotionally. Her refusal to be bare and display her emotions openly was from pure self-preservation. Rachel frowned again, Quinn said ok a lot in their previous conversations and thought it was a substitution for fine and that she was closing herself off. Part of her had hoped that meeting today was about becoming friends. She didn't want to have her heart broken again. The dramatic part of her thought…more so felt her heart could only be hurt so much before it stopped healing and was too damaged for repair. I mean how much can the heart really take?

"You really want to booty call me because it's convenient?" Anger still present, its claws still holding onto Rachel's emotions because it was easier than sadness.

"No. I thought if we met twice a week or once a week…kind of like how it was in high school…but we don't have to talk about our families or our lives because that's what friends do right?" She wasn't looking for a fight so she refrained from matching Rachel's anger.

"Holy broadway, Jesus and Moses…"Rachel mumbled. "What's the point of this?" She asked narrowing her eyes at hazel ones.

"I don't trust easily. I trust you..in bed," not with anything connected to my heart but I've made worse decisions. "It might be good to release tension. Health wise. I miss you," she added the last part which was really what all this was about.

"Health wise? You're the one with the bad back and heart issue…" Rachel said with less anger because Quinn post-accident always worried her. She seemed impervious and so strong before it, thought she could handle anything. After all she'd seen her carry a life inside her, had unfortunately missed the delivery of Beth, but Quinn always was strong beneath the refined, old fashioned attitude. It was simple to slip into caring about Quinn and part of Rachel was upset with the blonde's family for not supporting her as much as she wanted them to. Franny hadn't even visited Quinn after the accident.

"Also true. Like I said before we've always connected sexually. I don't see the issue if there's an agreement and understanding of when and honesty." The Yale student said flatly like she was creating a contract.

"Honestly I want to ask if you're on drugs…" Rachel slipped out in another mumble.

"The occasional cigarette. Glass of wine. Those are considered drugs." She countered factually.

"Quinn, I thought you were done smoking!" she watched Quinn shrug which only bothered her more because it said Quinn didn't care about herself when she did. It said she was depressed and feeling nihilistic as she explained to Rachel when she was tipsy. She also added she was in a really good place and it worried the singer that harming herself in a small way made Quinn feel content to some degree.

If they were going to do this…odd friends with benefits…casual sex they had to discuss it more because she had said months ago she didn't consider Quinn a friend she put them in this position. It was a two way street but she was trying so hard to go one way-towards her career. Months ago she felt guilty that she likely made Quinn feel unimportant in her life when she would push back facetiming, dates, having their bi weekly weekend get togethers…but she couldn't just send out an apology text and say she'd change because she was sure she was so close to getting the role of a lifetime.

"So….you'd text me and if I'm not busy I come over to your place and we have sex then I leave? I mean…" she tried and blew out a puff of air because she hadn't wrapped her mind around it all. "This is complicated."

"When have we been uncomplicated?" Quinn asked gently but it was more a statement.

"Fair enough," Rachel resigned herself and sat back in her chair and felt herself calming on account of Quinn's honesty and slightly joking tone.

"We're both adults, but if you don't want this we can simply stick to trying to be friends and nothing else." The blonde offered and wanted to make that clear. Quinn always admired how driven Rachel was, how independent until it was to the point she didn't feel like she fit in her life.

"I need details…so…what were you thinking...I mean…how is this going to work?" The cringe couldn't be hidden, she was usually eloquent and she didn't expect Quinn to do this to her.

"You can stay the night if you want. When you come over, but I was thinking 2 nights a week. I don't need to know if you're seeing someone unless you have a random because I refuse to ever have an std in my life."

_Well that was blunt…_

"And if you want to tell me about your life feel free but I'm not going to ask. If I knew you at all…I think when you get passionate you have to tell someone and share it.." Rachel watched Quinn give a small smile at that and then become a bit more stoic again but she remembered the blonde is the same way about new music she finds and falls in love with.

While Quinn paused in her rules she played a flashback of when Quinn had taken her into a record store a town over and said to a worker who had asked if she needed help, "No, I'm just looking for something to fall in love with." And she had smiled beautifully which charmed the guy to no end. Rachel saw it happen almost instantaneously. The worker gave a wide, genuine smile and had said in awe, "that's the best answer I've ever gotten." The blonde with little makeup, red scarf that made her cheeks look pink and sweet had easily said back, "we're all trying to fall in love with something daily aren't we?" Rachel watched on, as though she were invisible at the interaction of the poor guy being hooked. Quinn didn't even have to try. That was her trouble and beauty.

"So you have rules…" Rachel said with furrowed eyebrows.

"It's a way to try to make this black and white." Quinn said with a nod.

"But you said the world was grey," Rachel challenged and watched as Quinn gave a small smile for whatever reason.

_Still challenging. I missed this….fuck. _As a nice distraction she took a long sip of her coffee. "But I trust you. I just…" she didn't want to be that honest.

"What Quinn?" Rachel asked softly, searching her face over, pleading for a reason why they were in this position, how they got here. But all she got was the blonde shaking her head, eyes closed, momentarily closing her out.

_I'm not ready to fall in love with you again. _

She was honest but some things would always be unsaid with Quinn. Hidden. Purposefully blocked out from the rest of the world. Rachel sighed and thought it over more.

"What days works best for you?" She asked and knew that that question was agreeing to this insanity. Because it set them up to hurt each other again.

Quinn tilted her head. "Mondays and Thursdays."

"Why those days?" She countered curiously.

"Beginning of the week and close to the end..why not?" She shrugged as though of course that made sense.

"No other reason?" Rachel wanted to know if Quinn wanted to leave her weekends open in case she wanted to date someone. Jealousy still hit her when it came to the older girl.

Quinn narrowed her eyes, knowing Rachel's train of thought. "I'm nannying my cousins Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Saturdays are with my mother. Sundays I read, study and do classwork." She didn't want to tell Rachel that after years of Sunday being the day of rest she pushed against it and worked herself mentally, cramming knowledge in as much as she could until she felt heavier.

_Should have known. The day Borders closed I thought Quinn was going to cry. _

"…alright…Mondays and Thursdays then?" Rachel asked but also showed she was agreeing to this further. "And you're not going to tell me how you are during any of this?" she realized Quinn avoided talking about herself because it was safer she assumed. Quinn used to do this. Deflect like it was her job.

"If you ask, sure, but if you're working towards a friendship I need to know in the moment if that's your intent instead of asking due to societal norms and expectations." She shrugged again and Rachel was starting to really hate the gesture.

"I always want to know how you're doing." Sincerity in her voice.

_Could have fooled me. _"Ok." Quinn expressed instead. The brunette took in another breath. She missed Quinn and she missed her at night, during the day, holding her hand, kissing her in the car at every stop light on the way to the movies…she wouldn't have that with the no dates clause. A small headache was forming and Rachel brought her hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose. The blonde remained in her sit, sitting as still as possible as to not get up and kiss her temple, an act she knew made Rachel's headaches lessen.

"And we won't do anything in public…kissing…holding hands?" She ended on something innocent because it was still Lima and she missed the city that she viewed as The City in the world because it gave people so much freedom and liberties..such as something as innocuous as holding someone's hand.

The taller woman shook her head. She knew the answer was going to be no but she wanted to make sure. Quinn was cold, but not as cruel as she was during the first couple years of high school and she felt compelled to take what she could get. "You can't call me babe and I won't either," she added what seemed to be an afterthought but to Quinn was an important standard.

"…Alright…since its Friday I suppose I'll see you Monday then?" Rachel asked with her eyes closed and didn't catch Quinn's widen slightly in shock that the conversation lacked yelling. Or that Rachel hadn't slapped her which would have been more than fair on account of the slap she had given her during prom. Luckily that was far in the past…practically a lifetime ago.

"Yes, 7 o'clock work for you?" Quinn questioned as though she were setting up an appointment. _All she's missing is her old fashioned planner to go with her old soul _Rachel thought.

To the blonde it worked that Rachel would have dinner, come over, possibly leave in the morning. Making her dinner seemed like a date and she'd done that enough. Had spent hours looking up vegetarian and vegan recipes so she could eat something and Rachel would be content. It wasn't her job to make sure Rachel was content anymore. Cold as it may be Quinn was hell bent on not repeating and feeling like a fool for giving to someone who didn't treat balance like a goal or even attempt it.

"Yeah…I'll see you…at your mom's?" for a second she felt stupid for asking but assuming in the past with Quinn proved she was wrong most of the time.

"See you then," she said and got up from the table.

_This was fast…she's leaving..? I..what else do we have to talk about? If I hadn't said we weren't friends…damn it..I see her point. _

"Enjoy the rest of your week Rachel," Quinn offered sincerely and with the first smile that reached up to her eyes a little as she walked away.

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Thanks for reading. Most of the ending is worked out in notes. Have to get over writing sex scenes to finish this. Hopefully 1 more chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: This chapter is rated M. Thanks for the reviews/alerts/subscriptions. That was a surprise. Bear with me 'cause I don't like writing sex scenes (at all) but this is the end of the story. I don't usually like when people quote whole scenes from the show (as I've done before &amp; wish I hadn't) so I'm doing it once here with a line. Comedy is needed with all the tension. Spencer is from Pretty Little Liars &amp; the show is a mess but she can match Quinn intellectually. I'd recommend listening to the songs I mention because it adds to the scenes but that's anyone's call if they do. Edit now. The kids mentioned are my own adage &amp; not canon. Some lines make it to my twitter at PlaceForAnEcho

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SUNDAY

Nervousness and anticipation kept battling in Quinn on which feeling was more powerful. It was close to 10 at night and she was slowly enjoying a glass of wine because Rachel was going to be over tomorrow and this was real. Books and tv shows could only provide so much distraction…though The 100 was entertaining because it lacked the annoying love triangle of The Hunger Games. She was listening to The National's song fireproof because the music built and built in a way that made her feel stronger. "You keep a lot of secrets and I keep none. Wish I could go back and keep some. You're fireproof. Nothin' breaks your heart. You're fireproof, it's just the way you are." It was her theme song for the day. She wanted to emotionally steal herself as best she could, protect herself against hope. She missed Rachel but that didn't mean she was going to jump into a relationship with her. This was a way of being with her without replaying their past. Though when she told Santana via text the woman had called her and yelled "you're bat shit crazy."

Quinn stopped herself from agreeing because she hated to admit when Santana was right, but had replied, "It's better than not having her at all. And you and Britt did this once…" she added.

"Yeah. And I'm marrying her." The brunette said pointedly. Quinn could practically feel the eye roll through the phone.

"I've got to go," Quinn said and was thankful for the text just received.

"Enjoy your funeral," Santana replied and hung up but didn't have any bitterness, just a warning, caring tone.

Her routine was calming. She verified with her cousin that she'd be watching the kids and was now tapping her finger against her wine glass lost in thoughts. The money from looking after them would make buying her school books easier. She had some already and had gone to Victoria Secrets early Sunday when she knew the mall would be dead while people were at church. The town was predictable like that and she missed her college town more than she imagined she would. She left with matching dark blue underwear and bra she thought would look nice with her pale skin. It wasn't possible to stop the blushing but she bought them mostly to leave a lasting impression on Rachel. Luckily she had hours to relax. Her ipod switched to classical music and she closed her eyes, tried to center herself and thought how strange it was she couldn't let go of Rachel. They'd spent years trying to connect and even deny the natural chemistry they had, always in a state of flux and maybe that was one of the reasons she couldn't stop trying with Rachel.

The wine hit her and she felt a wave of contentment seep into her mind. A gentle wave as the music washed through her. She imagined the violists' bows lifting and receding in beautiful symmetry. She'd seen it once when she went to an orchestra with Spencer and marveled at how smooth the movements were. _Like a ballet without human limbs. Okay..time to go to sleep. _She finished the last of her wine, methodically washed it and set it in the drying rack. Slowly, contently stretched her hands above her head and held a yoga position for 10 seconds before calmly arching her arms back to her sides. She made her way up stairs and into her bathroom to brush her teeth. The reflection in the mirror looked back at her blankly until she narrowed her eyes and shivered when a chill went through her. The tank top would be comfortable to sleep in but she felt exposed nonetheless. She looked critically at herself…examined her eyes, her skin, her shoulders, collar bones, thought she looked alive she didn't fully feel alive. The rise and descent of her chest was there, her heartbeat was felt but she felt like she was coasting. She felt like she'd been going through the motions for a while. Until Rachel had pushed her way into her life.

MONDAY

The hours before Rachel arrived was a blur. She had made herself ultra-healthy French toast with almond milk, whipped cottage cheese, pecans and agave syrup. Spencer had once commented she was a food snob, which said a lot coming from the girl with a better off family than hers. The kitchen was bare and Quinn thought it was dull, but she was calm having focused on something, thoughts and anxiety slipping away.

Now it was 7 o'clock and she was listening to Beck's 'Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometimes'. It had a haunted element to it, a longing that some artists forced, but it also held a hopeful edge to it with the line-change your heart, it will astound you.

The doorbell rang and she didn't bother turning off her ipod, enjoying that the music made the house seem less empty. She smoothed out her black and white stripped dress and cracked her knuckles. Slowly she opened the door because her heart, as the song said could change…but she didn't have to rush it. Being tentative with Rachel was always her approach and that wasn't about to switch off.

"Hello Quinn," Rachel said gently, practically whispering as though they were meeting in secrecy. Brown eyes trailed over her body and for a second Rachel felt underdressed in her own black t-shirt, dark skinny jeans, and black boots that made her feel like she was about to go horseback riding. She almost shook her head because this wasn't anything new. Quinn always looked more stylish than her. "You look lovely," she said with honesty and squeezed her fingers to stop her from saying more and luckily Rachel heard music and tilted her head to listen more.

"Come on in," the blonde said without demand and moved to let Rachel pass, purposefully avoiding the compliment.

"This song…is really good. I mean…we wouldn't have ever been able to sing it in glee but its…really nice,  
she said as she listened more intently. Quinn took the chance to look at her further. Their coffee meet up didn't really allow her to appreciate Rachel's figure and no doubt work-out routine. The brunette rarely wore jeans but she looked amazing in them. The taller woman grabbed her ipod and started to move towards the stairs.

"Want to go upstairs?" Quinn asked after a pause.

"Um…yes…yes," she said with more certainty and was surprised Quinn didn't turn off the music. The next song that played was equally mellow and transitioned well. _Did she make a sex playlist…because oh my god…I'll never be able to listen to these songs again…_

'Even So' by Rachel Yamagata was playing next. Rachel caught it as she looked at the ipod Quinn had set on the dresser now that they were upstairs. The singer set her purse on the dressed as well and turned to look at Quinn who was contently standing in the middle of her room, seemingly waiting as the emotional music played, lending to nostalgia with its lyrics. The brunette took a few steps closer and didn't realize minutes had passed until another song was playing. Something with drums that was starting to match her heartbeat. She turned back to the dresser out of curiosity and looked at the ipod again. Hide by Little May. While she was turned away she bit her lip because certain lyrics seemed too fitting and perhaps out of context but "She screams your name, call. As you take her to the floor. I think she likes it. I feel so haunted in your bed. Hide" she wondered if in this agreement they were really hiding their emotions. Her lips felt a little chapped and she dug into her purse to find chapstick, missing the smile from Quinn as she applied it. When she turned around Quinn still had a smile, amused Rachel cared about the smallest details. Rachel thought Quinn had really gotten into more music and expanded her selection in the last year. She didn't know any of these songs and immediately liked them or she questioned if she liked them because Quinn was playing them. She went closer to the blonde and took in a deep breath. She watched as Quinn extended her graceful hand and hooked her finger into her belt loop and her thumb brush the shirt aside to feel smooth skin along her hip. Rachel took another preparing breath while her mind was trying to catch up with how gentle Quinn was. as though every touch was with a purpose. She had expected them to somewhat crash into each other, passion filled, clothes to come off fast and the night to go by in an almost destructive way.

Instrumental music was playing and Rachel took a second to appreciate that she wasn't distracted by lyrics as she put her hand around Quinn's forearm and slowly pulled her closer. A hand was felt near her neck, until fingers were sliding through her hair, giving the smallest amount of pressure that released some tension. Rachel felt her arm automatically, like a phantom limb wrapped around Quinn's waist. And then they were so close. And Rachel wondered if being gentle could also wreck a person and have the leave the same destruction as hard and harsh kisses could.

Seconds passed and Rachel held her breath as Quinn moved closer still, as though with consideration as she softly invaded her space. Quinn acted like she had all the time in the world as she hovered over Rachel's lips. For one of those seconds Rachel wanted to quickly extinguish the distance between them but was too focused on Quinn's eyes to really do give into her impatience. Quinn felt warm, almost as though she had a fever as she pressed herself fully against her and Rachel realized if she moved her arm up to Quinn's shoulder it would be like they were dancing.

With that last thought Quinn finally kissed her. And the deep breaths couldn't have prepared her for this because Quinn was of course full of contradictions. Hot to the touch but her mouth was like coming across pure water after having been parched for days. It was too brief because Quinn was already kissing her cheek and then moved to her neck. Quinn's moan intertwined with the music that Rachel barely realized has changed to another song singing "babe there's something tragic about you, so magic about you, babe there's something lonesome about you" and Rachel knew the voice because another song of their's was on the radio…'Take Me To Church'. The brunette would have shaken her head to stop her flittering thoughts if Quinn wasn't cradling her head and kissing right below her ear, nuzzling into her. She heard Quinn sigh as she felt Quinn inhale and exhale, breathing her in. She forgot that Quinn would do that, breathe her in like she was a perfume, like she was fresh air after being confined to stale, heavy air. The blonde shuddered and that triggered Rachel to act and push the taller woman towards the bed.

Hazel eyes widened and Rachel slowly smiled that she could still shock Quinn, still make that one smile form on her lips of the array of smiles she had. This one was always reserved for Rachel only and Rachel in vain and selfishness hoped with all she had in her that it would only be for her. And in this moment Quinn was hers. A temporary fact that made her self-esteem increase because Quinn was choosing to be with her. Her hands went to the hem of her shift and pulled up. In a swift move she was standing in her bra, jeans and boots. The blonde looked like she stopped breathing as she looked at Rachel's body. Never had Rachel felt like she was being held under a critical gaze. How Quinn made her feel beautiful was a feeling that was addictive and she knew she'd never be able to forget those hazel eyes and the layers to them.

Without barrier she walked closer to the bed and smiled when Quinn went from leaning back on her elbows to sitting up again. Each step was like Rachel was becoming more open and aware that this held so much hurt, endless potential, but emotions be damned, she wanted to scream Quinn's name and feel as beautiful as Quinn expressed, believed her to be.

Her hands on instinct rested on pale shoulders and Quinn's moved to her lower back, moving her closer, faster, and matching the brunette's impatience. Rachel's legs quickly went around Quinn's hips to steady herself, a small gasp escaping her lips and a light laughter from Quinn in response. Finally Rachel's mind was slowly down because she loved when Quinn laughed, loved how it filled a room, and overpowered the music that was playing in the background. Slender fingers slid up her back, barely touching her, and Rachel aggressively maneuvered herself onto Quinn completely, forcing Quinn to place her mouth on her. Strong arms wrapped around her more and Rachel released a soft moan because it was reassuring that Quinn wanted her closer as she felt lips pass over her collar bones. The blonde still wasn't going at a fast enough pace and Rachel really wasn't known for her patience. She reached behind her back and undid her bra. She smirked when she looked at Quinn and saw narrowed eyes and thoughts that were practically screamed-That was rude. I wanted to do that.

It was going to be a battle of smirks because Rachel only looked down at her condescendingly with an "I do what I want" expression because after all she was Rachel Berry. But she underestimated Quinn's self- control when the blonde sat back on the bed, elbows holding her up with an annoyingly sexy smirk as though saying "I like the view". Apparently they still had that slightly telepathic communication thing their friends told them about that made the rest of the world seem like a third wheel.

"Oh you're as insufferable as ever!" Rachel exclaimed after a pregnant pause and watched as Quinn's shoulders shook with more laughter as the brunette leaned down, placed her arms on the sides of the dressed woman's head, forcing her to lay on the bed.

"Always," she replied without missing a beat as her hands went to Rachel's sides, skimming up and down her sides, slightly tickling her, followed by light scratches. The act alone made Rachel moan and muffle it with a firm kiss, breathing into each other. Her skin She kissed harder, giving into passion, thinking it absurd she thought she could keep it in reigns and felt Quinn mirror her actions until minutes passed and Rachel felt Quinn's hand cup her breast delicately. The groan of frustration followed because Quinn wasn't getting the damn hint to go faster, not realizing the blonde was trying to memorize every inch.

"Quinn, if you don't stop treating me like I'm breakable I'm leaving," she bluffed, but the blonde didn't need to know that. She thought the Yale student would bicker with her, provide a snarky comeback with her as usual. She missed their banter. Instead hazel eyes narrowed again and she felt Quinn stiffen until her hands wrapped around her waist again and flipped them over. Smoothly Quinn rose herself to a standing position and Rachel felt her heart still a little, thinking Quinn was about to shrug and say something annoyingly respectful like-well that's your decision and your autonomy.

"Fine." _But we do this my way. _She expressed with an unwavering tone because she wanted to relearn Rachel. The brunette let out an obvious sigh of relief. Rushed wasn't going to work. The singer watched as Quinn brought her hand to the side of her dress and undid the zipper at _a painfully, fucking slow pace _she thought. _God…is this what a strip tease feels like? I think I'm going to die. Is that why Quinn wanted to do this? She's trying to kill me! _All thoughts stopped when the pretty dress fell from her body, cascading in a way that made Rachel question if Quinn was taking physics classes and learned how to slow time down. If so..she was fine with that if it meant she was able to enjoy the woman in dark blue lingerie more. For a split second Rachel's heart almost skipped a clichéd beat when the blonde placed a hand on her own hip and stood all regal and powerful. How the hell she could in a bra and underwear was beyond her, but it was her Cheerios pose.

For the sake of being a smart ass Quinn was tempted to snap her fingers in front of Rachel and say earth to Rachel, earth to Rachel, but refrained. In her distracted state she didn't notice Quinn lean over her, cleavage practically in her face as she felt hands on her lower body, boots being removed, a button undone and jeans being dropped to the floor. Her mind caught up to her body when Quinn pressed her upper body against hers. She pressed her lips against Rachel's collar bones again because she loved them and knew the brunette loved it just as much when she felt her hair being tugged at. Quinn let her full weight settle onto Rachel and the act snapped Rachel from her hypnotic trance who laced her fingers through blonde hair, tugged her back up and kissed her, tongue sliding in, feeling so wonderfully connected that she ached in a way that her she felt her body wasn't strong enough to feel it all, that she was only a mere mortal...and no wonder the French called it the little death because she was only kissing Quinn and it was overwhelming.

Five minutes…ten…fifteen could have passed, neither had any idea of time until Rachel tilted her head and saw Quinn's pottery barn, classic looking clock. It had been twenty minutes of this beautiful teasing and building but Rachel groaned because her entire body felt strained and tense. Coiled and needing. The blonde sensed it and brought her lips lower, ghosting over the curve of her breast until she moved further down and took the nipple into her mouth.

_God damn it I could do this all night. _She thought as she felt Rachel dig her nails into her shoulder and the other tried to push her down or pull her back up, clearly conflicted. The blonde smiled at the gesture and decided to tease her more lightly bite down and wrapped an arm under Rachel, holding her closer. There was a time she had given Rachel's breasts attention for a solid half hour, much to Rachel's frustration, but Quinn absolutely loved it. Loved how sensitive she was, how responsive and unbelievably soft. Quinn tightened her arm, _possessively_ holding her Rachel thought. The brunette moaned, having almost forgotten how strong Quinn was, how unassuming her thin figure seemed.

Her skin had this calming lavender scent. Always. In the last year she'd nearly tripped whenever she caught wind of anything similar to Rachel. Now there was so much skin. Quinn kept her hands moving over her body like a swimmer moving through the current. Feeling and trying to fight against it. She kissed Rachel's stomach, amazed how toned she was, her lips going down the line that her muscles formed above her belly button. If Rachel allowed it she would have stayed there for an hour, sort of worshiping, treating her with reverence but the brunette was becoming so frustrated with each minute that she eventually groaned and said, "Quinn!"

"Yes Rachel?" She asked playfully with her chin resting near her hip bone which she was previously kissing and nipping. The surprising bit of pain always made Rachel moan louder.

"If you don't make me come, I might have to kill you and I can't go to jail, I have Tonys to win." She said half serious and more so wanted to make the blonde laugh or banter back to her.

"Ooooh. Because you have shit to do as they say I should be quicker about this?" She said with raised eyebrows and god that expression made her wetter. It was embarrassing and she blushed until she demanded, "come here."

Quinn thankfully obliged and slid up her body, applying pressure to Rachel's center until she was hovering inches above her and hips pressing down. More moans followed and Quinn watched Rachel's eyes squeeze shut. The brunette pulled her down so she could whisper in her ear feeling it was too much to yell, "I want you to fuck me."

Quinn didn't think she could be more turned on but Rachel was always one to shock. She put a few inches of distance between them to look into dark brown eyes. Blown pupils and restless hands were crystal clear that Rachel was being honest. The blonde ground her hips down again, watched as brown eyes were covered and a mouth hang open. As Rachel was distracted she pulled the extra pillow in a silent arch while she kissed her way down again. She was all about equality and took the neglected nipple into her mouth, swirled her tongue around and released it when she felt the singer shudder. She didn't want her too close and Quinn was having fun running her hot and lukewarm to cold and hot.

The pillow fell to the floor and Rachel couldn't hear it over her sounds. Sounds Quinn was trying to commit to long term memory so she could play it like a soundtrack to memories of Rachel. She held the brunette's hips, tried to still her in place while she kissed the inside of her thigh and knelled on the floor. If she was going to be in the position for a while as she intended she wanted to be comfortable. She figured one of them should be since she planned on seeing how many times she could make Rachel come.

The next forty-five minutes were devoted to discovering that. Rachel made her stop at 8. Her vocal chords were strained, her body barely had any energy left and complete sentences had been abandoned 15 minutes ago. Single word replies were what she had been reduced to. And Quinn contently smirked having reacquainted with the enthusiastic sounds Rachel produced, her taste, her pleas, her vulnerability and beauty. She crawled back up to lay beside a hazy Rachel who had a silly, charming smile and openness that Quinn almost envied.

"Do I…should I leave now? I would reciprocate but you've kind of killed me and...honestly I think I need a few minutes before I can operate a car.." She said with so much sincerity and unabashed candor that Quinn couldn't contain her laughter even if someone paid for her to double major.

"You can stay if you want AND you don't have to reciprocate. I'm fine." The blonde said honestly because she was frustrated and could easily achieve release if Rachel touched her but she was glad for the pace.

In her half-awake state Rachel turned on her side, placed her arm over Quinn's stomach and moved her closer. "Thank you." She got out in a sigh, kissed a pale cheek and began committing herself to dreams.

THURSDAY

The door was shut and Quinn kissed Rachel hard seconds after she was in the house. The brunette was surprised by the sudden change in her ex. The blonde wasn't taking her time and the singer brought her arms up around Quinn's neck to steady herself. She had done the over-thinking, was amazed there wasn't that awkward tension when she woke up Monday morning with her arm still around Quinn. She had taken a moment to look the relaxed woman over. Naked and vulnerable- gone were her walls in sleep. She was more open, calmer, and looked more peaceful than when she was awake. She had kissed the back of Quinn's neck, forced her to wake a little at the sensation and whispered she was going to leave. To her surprise Quinn had kissed her cheek and said okay. There wasn't the question of why are you still here or a long conversation, but a gentle okay, though Rachel was starting to dislike the word. But she couldn't think about words and how monosyllabic Quinn was when she was being pulled away from a wall and led up stairs. Rachel felt cold when Quinn stepped away from her to turn on her ipod. The brunette tilted her head, curious if she'd ever see Judy Fabray or if Quinn set these days while the woman was out and she made a mental note to ask Quinn to send her a list of the songs she played because another one she'd never heard was filling the room. With a smooth turn Quinn faced Rachel again but Rachel side stepped her and went to the ipod to see Darkroom Double by Moon and Pollution playing. It made her want to crash her whole body into Quinn and see who could overpower the other…

Hours later and after they were both exhausted Rachel thought she should increase her cardio to condition herself for their marathon sex. Not that she was complaining, she simply felt a little out of shape which wasn't acceptable. Though she caught the smirk from Quinn's face that said, "yeah, I wore you out." Sleep was a welcome break from the hard and rewarding sex they'd had.

SUNDAY

Rachel was feeling gutsy. It was freeing and equally constricting that she and Quinn didn't talk much but she sent the text before her hesitancy stopped herself because she kept thinking-time with Quinn is short. And we don't need a long, drawn out conversation.

Do you still have the strap on I got you?

Quinn almost dropped her phone. Breakfast with her mother was turning out to be very embarrassing this morning.

Minutes later Rachel received a reply. Hello to you too Rachel.

The brunette almost rolled her eyes. Now Quinn chose to start off with pleasantries. Typical.

Good morning Quinn. I'd like you to use it. See you tomorrow.

_Jesus Christ. _The former cheerleader thought as she set her phone down and paid more attention to her mother who was going on about how much their cousins loved having her over. For a split second it looked like Judy was about to bring up Beth but kept talking about how they'd have to get used to her not being there when she goes back to Yale. She nodded along and almost asked if she could pick up some extra strength aleve for her back because lifting the kids was taking a toll but she knew that would only cause worry and a slew of questions from her mother. Scaring her mother wasn't worth bringing it up. She'd walk to the store, pick a bottle up if she had the time and relax the rest of the day with a book and her classical music playlist. Last Christmas part of her wanted to say yes when Judy offered to get her a kindle but she needed to hold a book, had to underline favorite passages and sentences in pencil, felt compelled to put the book on a shelf, knowing there was reassurance that it would be there if she needed to reference it. She got through half of Carrie Pilby before she decided to get ready for tomorrow. A groan escaped her lips though she was trying to ignore the back pain. In the back of her closet was the strap-on Rachel had bought. Quinn had been very ambivalent about it, curious if Rachel missed being with a guy since she was bi but quickly realized it wasn't about that at all. Quinn could hold her more or the reverse was true as well. Pale arms had been pinned above her head numerous times as Rachel rode her and frankly Quinn wasn't about to complain because Rachel taking control was absurdly attractive because it was Rachel in her element, knowing what she wanted and put in the work to achieve it. It likely wouldn't come as a shock to anyone that Rachel was incredibly passionate. It was one of the reasons why Rachel was addictive. Quinn was never bored with her and that was a rarity because over time people become predictable and Rachel had her moments due to her own standards but the smaller was still full of surprises and it was hard not to be inspired by someone who truly wore their heart on their sleeve.

Finally she pulled it out of the box she kept it in and moved it to the cabinet in her bathroom. She was looking forward to it because Rachel was always louder and Quinn really didn't mind the scratch marks on her back that followed. Slowly she settled back into bed and realized it wasn't slow enough when it felt like a muscle was being pulled out of its place. Her eyes closed of their own accord to push the pain out but she had to open them when her phone buzzed. Whoever it was received a glare, but she checked it anyway and quickly read that her cousin had to go to a meeting tomorrow even though it was usually her day off and she was sorry, could she watch the kids tomorrow? She'd pay double because it was late notice.

Quinn debated the pros and cons. Back pain was in bold, capital letters in her mental list while extra pay, something to do during the day, and she enjoyed being around the kids. She laughed more and easily when they'd chase their dog and literally dog pile on her. Quinn swore she was the most patient dog she'd come across. They could tug on her ears and bang on her chest like a drum since she was part grey hound and she'd look at them with her loyal eyes like-I love you little weirdos. After a minute she replied she'd be there. They discussed the time and her cousin added with a smiley face that she'd leave Quinn some bottled Starbucks. The blonde's reply was she'd need it for Thing 1 and Thing 2 because they'd been read every Dr. Seuss book under the sun and everyone knew they had so much energy that Quinn had once asked if they owned stock in Starbucks to keep up. She picked up her book and smiled contently, looking forward to them because she felt more herself with them than her own immediate family sometimes. There was less judgment and Quinn could burst into song "like a Disney princess" they said and dance with them. Though there may be less dancing because of her back. She groaned again thinking about that restriction and tried her best to ignore it as she picked up her book again.

MONDAY

"Quiiiiiiinn! Quinn! Quinn!" Two voices said over each other the next day and the blonde couldn't stop the smile if her life depended on it.

"Thing 1, Thing 2!" She half sang, half spoke to the twins. "How do you do?" She asked, rhyming on purpose. They giggled and attacked her legs. She was incredibly glad she stopped by the drug store and had already taken some extra strength aleve. Shelley stood in the background and wagged her tail with excitement because Quinn represented treats and head scratches. The blonde loved the dog and adored that she was named after Mary Shelley. Sometimes she thought this family suited her better with their appreciation of literature and quirky personalities.

"Munchkins I have a REALLY important question." She started in a fake serious tone and watched as they looked up at her with their big eyes and rapt attention. "Are we going to sing Katy Perry or Taylor Swift today?" A small part of her wanted to introduce them to her usual music choices but they were into pop music and she couldn't blame them because they were catchy.

"Katy!" Maggie exclaimed and Quinn smiled because Maggie never went by Margaret though she was named after Margaret Atwood.

"Taylor!" Charlotte yelled louder and sometimes Quinn thought it was too fitting she was named after Charlotte Gilman because the younger of the twins was stronger, more opinionated and may grow up to be a little feminist because she was six and already expressing her annoyance about boys being treated differently and how it wasn't fair. The blonde couldn't wait until they were old enough to watch Harry Potter and idolize Hermione Granger, but they were too young and the movies would scare them.

"How about both?" She reasoned and walked further into the hallway after they released her legs. In half a second they said, "yeah, yes!"

Shelley stretched and looked like she was bowing. "Or we could do some yoga cause I think Shelley has downward facing dog down better than any of us," she joked and looked between the kids and their beloved dog.

"She's cheeeeeating, she's a dog," Maggie said through more giggles.

"You're sooooo weird," Charlotte said between giggles and tried to cover her mouth with her hands when Quinn knelled down and looked into her blue eyes.

"I've been told that and there's worse things to be cutie," she said and winked. "Now let's shake it off!" She said as she stood fully and went to the living room, two sets of feet following her and a dog trotting behind.

Hours later, two Starbucks, lunch consumed and two sleeping munchkins Quinn was questioning if she should see a physical therapist again. The conversation with their mom was brief and they waved goodbye. She checked the envelope of money when she got home and was pleasantly surprised there was also an amazon gift card tucked in.

Muscles and bone felt like they were slowly being ripped out of her body and she tossed the envelope into her drawer. She finally caved and went looking in her sister's bathroom for some pain meds. Nothing turned up which wasn't surprising, she hadn't lived at home in almost a decade. For a second she hesitated at her mother's bedroom feeling invasive and like she was overstepping. There was a time Judy threw back pills daily like they were breath mints, but she'd changed and was far more lucid than she had been in years. She stood in front of her mother's mirror, annoyed that she was in this position of stealing a prescribed pain killer because she's been in a car accident. Quinn knew she didn't have an addictive personality, that was apparent when she'd go months without a cigarette because she never craved them, but indulged simply because she wanted to feel alive. Slowly she swung open the cabinet.

There was a little over an hour until Rachel was going to arrive. Judy was out again and though Quinn was in pain she wouldn't have traded it for missing out with her cousins. Laughter was easy with them, she didn't feel lonely and she strangely felt younger when she was with them. They didn't expect anything of her, didn't want anything from her except to be goofy and they accepted when she was too.

Rachel was probably expected her to make her come a lot. Or at least make her feel the extremes of being tightly wound and then feel that blissful release.

_Endorphins are nice, can't blame her. _The blonde thought after she tossed the medication back. _I probably won't be feeling them too much..but I have a lucid hour with her..will have to make the most of it. _She placed the glass cup on the counter and sighed. _I'll have Tuesday and Wednesday to recuperate. _She considered, as though sex was a work out.

Undressing felt like a chore. The shower was going to be a welcome relief but she had to be quick. She shaved meticulously, lathered body wash on her and stretched as best as she could. Changing felt tedious. Yoga pants were traded for another dress, this time a form fitted little black dress that was remarkably comfortable. She didn't bother with shoes and laid back on her bed after her hair was tied back in the smallest pony tail she'd ever had. With the sound of rain coming from her half open window she closed her eyes, enjoying the sound and how much it sounded like tides coming and going.

Hands kept gliding up and down her side and forced her eyes to the world. She blinded a few times to drag herself from dreamland. Dark eyes looked back at her and Quinn noticed Rachel had taken time on her eye makeup. The singer kept looking her over but seemed relaxed. Quinn laid motionless as to not move closer to Rachel and rest her head into the crook of her neck, though she could tell Rachel smelled amazing.

"Are you okay?" The brunette asked gently.

"Mhm," Quinn said and closed her eyes again when Rachel moved closer, pressing herself against the blonde.

"The door was unlocked," she whispered. "That's worrisome, you should lock them if you're going to be alone taking a nap Quinn," she lectured and Quinn didn't bother to contain the slight smirk.

_Of course a lecture. Haven't talked to her in months really and so she's making up for lost time._

"Okay," she said and allowed her arm to come up and pull Rachel closer. Her senses were more attuned now that they were in silence. No music to distract them but the sound of each other's voices.

"Are you really okay," the smaller woman pressed. Hazel eyes opened and saw Rachel's eyes flit back and forth, looking her over intently, a look of uncertainty, and hesitancy while she placed her hand on Quinn's lower back and frowned when the muscles rippled. She knew she wasn't going to receive an answer after she watched Quinn's features twist into barely concealed pain. They both knew admitting weakness was beneath Quinn or at the very least greatly avoided.

"Lay on your stomach." Rachel demanded. With a pause Quinn considered if she should simply get up, go into the bathroom, come back and let Rachel ride her til her hearts content…but sometimes it was best to give into the brunette.

"Can you get my ipod off the dresser first?" She countered, wanting some compromise because music halted her from talking to Rachel. Her eyes closed of their own will but she felt the bed shift as Rachel complied.

"Are you really okay?" Rachel asked as she flipped the ipod over in her hands.

"I took some pain meds," she admitted and was rewarded with the feel of cool metal being placed in her hand. At that she rolled onto her stomach. The distraction of finding one of her playlists was welcomed as Rachel straddled her and held her own weight to not put any pressure on the taller woman.

After a few swipes and clicks she discarded it on the bed, face up, and not caring that Rachel could see all the songs as warm hands were felt through her thin dress working out the knots. 'In my veins' by Andrew Belle played and held such yearning that Rachel took in a deep, almost painful breath.

"Why this song?" Rachel asked after she swallowed and suppressed a weary cry, knowing her voice would waver and shake.

"It's raining," Quinn said easily and without any hesitation as though it made all the sense in the world.

She kept rolling her hands and palms into the stubborn woman and tilted her head to the side when a song called 'Summer Nightmares' by Discopolis played and she caught that it was the acoustic version as it scrolled across the screen.

"Why this one?" She questioned gently because the song was so beautiful and simplistic that she didn't want to interrupt it.

A long sigh filled the room as Quinn settled further into the mattress and the words didn't stay in her mind like they were meant to but the pills made her feel cloudy in a wonderful way and she didn't feel like she was awake.

"Because…when I'd kiss your neck you smelled like a breeze, felt like summer…and strangely..unexpectedly," she paused and breathed in "fit well with me." She swallowed and practically fell asleep but opened her eyes when hands stopped moving on her back only to close them again when the pills pulled her further down into the rabbit hole…the steep slope of honesty. "And it as inevitable that I tried to breathe you in…like I was suppose to be there. You're exquisite like that."

Small hands completely stopped moving on Quinn's tense back with those last words. In fact they started to shake slightly as the song changed to 'I'm Gonna Be' by Sleeping At Last. She had to get off Quinn. It was surreal she felt her legs swing off her and kneel on the bed looking over soft, peaceful features of a sleeping Quinn.

…_shit. She's not going to remember this. What the hell do I do now? What the hell! _The singer thought and rubbed her own thighs and stopped only when she felt a cold hand take hers and pull her incredibly slowly to the mattress.

_God this feels better than being drunk. _The hazy woman thought but moved closer to kiss Rachel will all the energy she had. Even in her sedative induced state she knew she should take the time she had with Rachel and enjoy it. Lavender scent invaded her senses…her soul and Quinn kissed her harder. When Rachel started to respond just as hard she pulled back and said, "I'll be back," and made her way towards the bathroom. She may had been mentally fuzzy but physically she felt more sensitive. A bad back wasn't a priority when she reasoned she was in love with the sounds Rachel made NOT Rachel.

It felt awkward but she secured the strap-on and came out of the bathroom to a distracted Rachel who was looking at the ipod like it contained Quinn's secrets and thoughts. 'To Be Alone' by Hozier was taking over the room and Rachel thought with the rain falling like background noise it was the perfect soundtrack for the moment because she thought it sounded like a prayer. And lately she felt like Quinn was worshiping her body when they met like this. But complete thoughts weren't possible when she heard the door open and Quinn was practically naked leaning against the doorway.

"Undress Rachel," Quinn demanded but said in a deeper voice. It amazed the brunette how quickly Quinn's personality and mood could shift. Her arms acted before her thoughts caught up. She removed her shirt slowly and kept her eyes on Quinn who had her hand on her hip, patiently waiting in the way she would when Rachel's class ran late in high school. Her underwear stayed on, giving Quinn the chance to remove them because she knew the blonde loved to. Loved being past tense since she wasn't absolutely certain she still did but she was fine to test it and if Quinn wasn't completely naked she didn't have to be either.

In a few steps Quinn was hovering over her, palms pressing into the covers near tan shoulders. She leaned over her, unmoving, looking her over until she descended and barely pressed her lips against her own. She was about to put her hands on pale hips to pull her closer but Quinn had already stepped back and ran her fingertips from her shoulders, to elbows, to ribs, to rest on hips that she palmed them almost roughly. With a flick of her wrists she cupped Rachel and moved her hands beneath her underwear to quickly drag them down her legs and throw them across the room.

God was she feeling impatient because she leaned up, grabbed Quinn's shoulder and brought her back down. When blonde hair tickled her neck with some of the strands coming out of the small pony tail she whispered in Quinn's ear, "go easy on your back" and sealed the plea with a kiss to her cheek. As a reply Quinn circled Rachel's nipple with her fingertips. If Quinn was only going to use her fingertips through this Rachel thought she was going to scream but she was shocked when the hand ghosted around her rib, held her side and flipped her over. A playful scream escaped her lips instead of frustrated when she felt Quinn reach around her again and find her clit, bringing more wetness. Her arms braced herself shoulder width apart while she felt Quinn's knee nudge her own wider. It felt in slow motion and Rachel curiously thought whatever pain pills she had taken was clearly affecting her but thinking logically stopped when she felt Quinn's fingers slide into her. It wasn't painful but it wasn't gentle either. Quinn was rarely in this mood and Rachel actually enjoyed it.

Consideration took a back seat when Quinn got in the mindset of making Rachel come hard. With a few gentle trusts she felt Quinn curl her fingers as an obvious tease when her fingers were retracted completely after. With her other hand she felt her hair being brushed away from her back to hang over near her shoulder only to roam down her back until it curved around to her chest and pinched her nipple. In the same moment she felt the strap-on line up and move into her. Again not gently but not harshly and she knew Quinn would never be mean. That was apparent when a moan came from the back of her throat. Quinn stilled and Rachel was thankful for it. Her body had to relearn this and Quinn seemed to feel the same because she was incredibly gentle again after she placed her hands on her hips. Two minutes seemed to pass and Rachel was feeling anxious. She pressed her knees into the bed and pushed back with her palms, trying to tell Quinn to move. The nonverbal was heard loud and clear which made the blonde hold her hips more firmly and pull her in with strength Rachel had nearly forgotten about. She stayed pressed against her like that for a few deep breaths while lips kissed her back, followed by one nip and another thrust that made Rachel's legs shake. Again cold hands gripped her hips, pushed and pulled while her hips did the same in sync.

"Oh my god," Rachel moaned when Quinn found the rhythm she needed. "Oh fuck…oh my god," she said loudly when Quinn picked up the pace and slammed into her a few times only to stop completely and reach a hand around to roll her fingers over her sensitive clit.

_Oh my god, this is maddening. I'm gonna come. _

"Quinn, I'm gonna come," she said without her the proper eloquence she usually had. She could have been embarrassed that it hadn't been long but apparently Quinn remembered everything that worked for her.

All movement stilled and Rachel looked over her shoulder to glare at the girl who was contently smiling at her. Though she was a little distracted because the blonde had grabbed Rachel's ass and gave one smack as though saying, "I'll make you come when I want you to." The brunette could only turn her head back to the headboard and pretend to have patience. Quinn started again, softly and delicately until Rachel kept moving in the same pace. When she did she heard Quinn release a deep moan and looked over her shoulder again to see the taller girl biting her lower lip. Apparently she was enjoying this too and at that realization she jerked her hips back to make Quinn half fall over into her. A laugh escaped her because she rarely caught Quinn in surprise and she heard Quinn mumble, "Jesus."

There was warmth all around her. Quinn pressed into her back make her feel warmer and she braced her weight on her left arm to reach behind with her right arm and scratch Quinn's shoulder when she felt gentle kisses against her neck. This wasn't a surprise in the least because Quinn was the embodiment of soft and hard, dark and complex, selfless and selfish, beautiful and unapologetic.

Four times Rachel had said she was about to finish and each time her vocal chords couldn't decide if she should scream the fact or whisper it. Every time it came out strained because she had been so worked out that by the fifth time she had bit her bottom lip so hard to keep it in that when she finally came it was with the deepest, almost animalistic growl that her whole body felt like it was groaning and saying finally, sweet salvation!

She didn't even bother moving until Quinn had stopped touching her completely, her hand staying on her bundle of nerves for a few seconds longer as though she was debating stopping. When she did she sighed in a way that made her feel like she was getting ready to hibernate. With so much care Quinn pulled out of her and removed herself to go into the bathroom. If Rachel's shoulders didn't ache from holding herself up she would have raised her arm to grab Quinn's wrist and tell her to stay, but she could only watch the blonde's beautiful figure leave.

When she came back minutes later and in a tank top and incredibly small shorts she was already under the covers. Somehow Rachel had managed to crawl under them after she felt shivers skitter over her skin.

It felt like a role reversal now that she was seconds away from sleep and Quinn seemed more aware than before. They both laid in bed, closer than necessary since it was a queen size and Rachel frowned that Quinn had any clothes on. Her hand pushed aside the thin material and rested on her hip. In her barely conscious condition...she really lacked a sensor and honesty tumbled out.

"I remember the convo with your mini you verbatim. She told me if you're gonna go lezzy with a cheerleader I think the world is kind of rooting for you and Quinn Fabray." She paused. "And her wording was deplorable and degrading," she ended and cuddled closer to Quinn as to not look into her eyes for her reaction.

"Someone needed to tell her to be yourself-everyone else is already taken." She smirked.

"Quinn! That's clever," she said with a lazy smile then yawned.

"Its Oscar Wilde," she shrugged.

"We've talked about this…"she mumbled into the blonde's chest. "Stop stealing from the gays," she said with a snarky tone.

"I AM a gay," she shook her head, amused, and smiled and followed Rachel to sleep.

TUESDAY

Rachel was gone when she woke. She wasn't bothered by it though she wouldn't have necessarily minded if she stayed. It wasn't until her shower that she noticed a hickey on her neck and another near her collar bone. Rachel snuck those. A few scratch marks on her back stung under the water but she stretched and stayed in the shower for a long time working out her muscles, rolling her shoulders and resting her head against the cool tile. She had babysitting today and had to really pace herself.

She managed to steady her activities through the rest of the week. Her most comfortable dresses were worn that made her feel like she was naked, she drank tea instead of coffee, and tried to laugh as she could when an opportunity arose. When she opened the door to her cousins' house she sang out Hi nerds! Instead of being tackled and asked by them to be picked up she knelt down, her bag slipping off her shoulder and the books slipping out in a cascade of literature.

Maggie stopped herself from leaping into Quinn's wide arms and picked up called The Magician's Elephant. The blonde smiled back at her and asked if she wanted that to be read to her today. It would take at least two hours. Not to be outdone she spoke up before her sister could answer and said, "this one first," with excitement. The college student raised an eyebrow at Charlotte.

"You know my rule Thing 1. We alternate. You chose last time. Things 2 turn is today." Quinn said in an unwavering voice and was glad Charlotte didn't put up a fight. She refused to talk to them like they were children, remembering how condescending some adults could be when she was their age. She was looking forward to reading one of her favorite kids' book which is why it looked a little worn. Some of the pages didn't have all the illustrations because it was a pre print she had found in a used book store.

"I'll make you nerds a snack and then we'll hop to the living room for some reading." She said as she stood fully and pushed back thoughts of Beth and if she'd be similar to them. If Quinn would care for her, joke with her, read to her until her voice was raspy the way she did with her cousins. If she felt like diving into those thoughts she'd send an email to Puck. It was easier to write than say the thoughts out loud, better to get it out, but the weight of a voice and its wavering seemed to make it more real and she was thankful she could communicate with Puck at any time if she felt compelled to.

Shelley bounded behind them and watched intently as Quinn made the snack, hoping she'd drop anything onto the floor. The blonde gave her a slice of cheese anyway after the cheese and crackers were placed on a dish and grapes in a bowl.

"Let's go kangaroos. Hop to the couch!" And they did with giggles and glee as the college girl set everything on the coffee table and picked up the book Maggie had placed on the table with so much care that Quinn couldn't stop the wide smile and hope that they'd appreciate books for the rest of their lives. She rummaged in her bag to find her glasses, placed them on, and snapped the case closed.

"Okay, here we go…" she said as she rolled her shoulders and relaxed into the couch.

As predicted, two hours later, and after rapt attention the girls clapped waking Shelley up from her deep sleep who picked her head up, looked around and plopped her head back down seeing her humans were safe…or disinterested now that the food was gone.

"That was reaaaaally good…but sad." Maggie said.

"It is…but you can think of it another way….they all tried to help each other." Quinn started.

"They cared about each other," Charlotte said. "I care about you even though you get on my nerves sometimes," she said to Maggie who stuck her tongue out at her. For their age they were precocious and funny. Quinn laughed long and hard because she and Franny weren't like that. She felt like she had to be like her sister while her cousins were such individuals with many diverting personality traits.

"Okay ladies…to the trampoline?" Quinn asked as she placed the book back on the table.

"It REALLY IS kangaroo day," Maggie said, making the blonde laugh again.

"There are other animals that hop ya know!" Charlotte replied in a know it all tone.

"Quick! Like a bunny!" Quinn said before Charlotte could lecture her sister about such animals.

The rest of the day the blonde watched as they took turns to not collide and did crazy twists and spazzy movements on their large trampoline. They had to get their energy out somehow and they had listened well during the book so she took the chance to relax as they challenged one another on who could jump higher. Every time they asked Quinn who jumped higher she'd reply, "I need glasses, I can't tell." And "definitely a tie." Or " I think I need a tape measure," knowing there wasn't one in the house. Shaking heads and laughter were their responses. Time got away from them and they only stopped when their mom called from the open back door, "hey girls." The new couple minutes naturally involved scampering off the trampoline to give hugs and a laid back discussion of what they did today.

After everyone made their way inside Quinn gathered her things, cleaned up the snack dishes, and pet Shelley who looked like she had a really lazy day in the house. She noticed her cousin in a completely unsubtle way slip an envelope into her bag and then give a rock on sign like she was trying to be cool but knew she wasn't.

"You ladies stay out of trouble," she said when she was standing by the door and felt arms wrap around her legs.

"Bye bigger nerd," Charlotte said with a huge smile. Quinn's body shook with laughter and she touched her index finger to the smaller girl's nose, then to Maggie's who giggled.

"Bye little nerds," she sang and closed the door.

In her car she put on her upbeat playlist and tapped her fingers on the steering wheel to the drum in 'Go To My Head' by Waters. She contently drove around and listened to 'Compliment Your Soul' by Dan Croll but was distracted by a running Rachel Berry. Slowly she pulled up to the side of Rachel and kept pace with the girl who looked very focused until a frown worked its way onto her features and with a yank of her ear buds out she looked like she was ready to give a lecture on stalking until she noticed it was Quinn who raised an eyebrow as though saying you were about to tell me to drive away huh?

"What are you doing?" Rachel asked when it was apparent Quinn wasn't going to ask her a question when it was obvious she was working out. She took a moment to wind her earbuds around her fingers, cutting off the song 'It was Always You' by Maroon 5. It reminded her too much of Quinn with the lyrics 'hazel eyes, I was so colorblind, we were just wasting time...it was always you'. She was distracted and had waited a few seconds due to the nice music that was coming from the car. She tried to focus only on Quinn's eyes but took in how nice she looked in her polka dotted dress.

"Headed back, finished babysitting the nerds," she said and blushed because it felt like a secret between her and the girls, all the terms of endearments she called the. Brown eyes looked her over more intently and only nodded. Quinn slowly looked Rachel over, she was sweaty and her neck muscles strained as she nodded. She looked good. Really good and she debated inviting Rachel over but it was Tuesday and she had the rules for reasons.

"You're not..doing anything later?" Rachel asked and tried to cover her wince by stretching her legs. Hazel eyes narrowed shrewdly and listened to the first few seconds of 'Flashed Junk Mind' by Milky Chance before turning it down, not looking away from Rachel, though she loved that it strangely reminded her of the song 'New Slang' by The Shins because of the laid back oooo oooo's.

"I'm…free." She said tentatively.

"Do you want to..do something." And quickly glanced around. "It doesn't have to be sex…" she paused and waited for Quinn's reply but was only given a slightly strained facial expression. "we could.."she tried and wished she hadn't started until she had already formulated ideas or options but it was like running, one foot was up and she had to place it down and keep moving unless she wanted to look like an idiot standing on one foot. Odd analogy she had come up with but it made some sense to her.

_Quinn never liked the mall…park..bookstore? _"We could walk around the park or go to a bookstore.." she offered and half asked.

"Okay." Quinn replied with a painfully long pause after she squeezed the steering wheel, annoyed at herself for essentially caving so easily.

_I hate that word…wait..she said yes._ "Oh..park or bookstore? I'd like to shower before the bookstore if that's what you want to do," Rachel said with a head tilt because she really didn't think would say yes to spending time with her outside of Mondays and Thursdays. A pale hand reached out her window, strained forward and felt her back pop.

"Its going to rain soon. Bookstore," she said as she retracted her hand and Rachel was incredibly glad she hadn't stepped forward to hold Quinn's hand because _that was presumptuous of me. I should have checked the weather app…but…why use an app when you have Quinn..post accident who can sense these things. Karen Smith can only tell its 68 degree and there's a chance 50% chance it's already raining…_

The blonde's chest rose and fell quickly as though she were the one running. Time with Rachel…conversing…was she ready? She was still annoyed at the girl for dismissing her after all she'd done for her since they had started college. Train tickets…taking the train a little after midnight to be with Rachel when she sent a drunken text that she reaaaally missed here. Followed by Her* because even drunk Rachel hated typos.

"I'll pick you up in an hour," she said but held a tone that left room for Rachel to agree or not. The brunette thought that would be an adequate amount of time to shower, change into something nice and she felt herself nodding. She watched as the woman in front of her pressed a button making the window go up. Maybe they'd talk more later…

_That might have been one of the shortest hour of my life…pre auditions take long, dates with Quinn weren't long enough, sitting in the hospital waiting for Quinn to wake up after the accident made her loathe time. _

The glass of water was half full or half empty Quinn would say sometimes and she finished it when she heard a beep. It was instinct to smooth down her skirt, square her shoulders and face the world before she stepped out her childhood house. She quickly noticed Quinn had added a red scarf and was subtlety dancing in her seat while 'Stolen Dance' by Milky Chance played and Rachel smiled, recognizing a song.

"How's your day so far?" Rachel tried after she clicked the seat belt in.

"Okay, yours?" Quinn said easily as she checked her mirrors and pulled away from the curb.

"Quinn. You have an impressive vocabulary. Can you expand beyond okay?" Rachel deflected but always wanted the stoic blonde to elucidate because she had thought about how to have a friendship or more with Quinn since casual sex was rather empty.

"I could," she said with a guarded tone as she drove on and hummed to what Rachel saw was 'Caring is Creepy' by The Shins as she looked down in the cup holder to the ipod. When she realized she wasn't going to get more from Quinn she receded into the seat and thought _maybe this was a bad idea. I miss…the old Quinn..not that she's old, but..warm Quinn. _

Though she felt she couldn't sing as jazzy as Sara Bareilles she sang along to the stripped down version of 'Bottle It Up' loving how it was less poppy and more emotional when she sang acoustic. She looked out the window and only faintly noticed Quinn had turned it down so she could hear Rachel more.

They reached the bookstore and Quinn didn't bother to turn off the car, letting the song play out so she could keep listening to Rachel who gave a soft, humble smile when the song ended.

"Ready?" She asked because Rachel could and would sing all day and night if someone propositioned her.

"Let's go!" The brunette said with excitement. This was the chance to see Quinn almost giddy and in her element, surrounded by words that she filled her mind with, took into her soul.

They walked in and Rachel felt her hand twitch, wanting to hold the blonde's hand and wander around but Quinn gave a small smile and stepped away because Rachel would no doubt look through the music section, perusing the history,Broadway texts while the taller woman wanted to look at the books she had already searched online for. Fingertips went over the spines of the books, gracefully appreciating them, skittering lightly as though they were a spine of a woman she was about to undress and kiss for eternity.

Quinn rounded a corner and dug into her bag feeling for her glasses case. She knew Rachel would beeline for a certain section and she had time to consider her new escapist material. She liked that this bookstore played classical music and had a massive mural of authors drinking coffee together on the wall. She slipped on her glasses and slowly analyzed the books. Though she was in the wrong section she took her time, always having loved the smell of books and thought every bookstore should have the quote "I stepped into the bookshop and breathed in that perfume of paper and magic that strangely no one had ever thought of bottling." Though after some searching she was shocked candles smelled of old books and had sent a thank you to pinterest.

"Oh sorry, excuse me," she felt someone gently run into her, briefly looking at her until she turned towards another stack of books.

"Rachel…"she said with a smirk as she reached her hand out and caught Rachel's small wrist. She didn't drop it when she thought Rachel was having a stroke since she was looking at her like she had two heads.

"You wear glasses." Rachel stated after a pause, looking her over more, finding the mostly dark brown with light brown flecks in the rectangular frames attractive on Quinn though her eyes were a little more hidden.

"Very astute observation," Quinn replied in a faux professor tone and Rachel leaned against the shelf so she wouldn't fall. She caught that Quinn was still holding her wrist and giving the barest touches, her thumb moving in circles.

"So have you found anything?" She asked after she bit her bottom lip.

"Not yet," she said gently and dropped Rachel's arm. The brunette missed the slight connection and tried not to blatantly stare at Quinn in her glasses. She looked more refined, a little aged and why wasn't it Thursday?

The taller girl picked up a few books, read the books and put them back until she found one she held onto. All The Light We Cannot See seemed like it was meant to be in Quinn's hand. Rachel didn't believe in judging a book by its cover but a blue, gloomy sky over Paris fit her ex well. They walked and paused at what interested them. A quiet hour spent together, wandering, searching for new worlds.

A heavy sigh left Quinn and Rachel frowned, curious what was wrong as the blue, Paris book was tucked under her arm.

"What's wrong?" Rachel asked gently because this felt like it was Quinn's church.

"I don't have time to read as much as I'd like to." She said honestly with frustration. Rachel didn't have a response to that but was amused Quinn was annoyed at the fact she couldn't spend every waking minute with words. She pressed her hand gently into her lower back and rubbed to sooth the annoyance.

"I know, I know…words matter.." she started with a small smile "which is why I want to tell some people.." and dropped her voice, moved closer and whispered in Quinn's ear, "don't be a fucking asshole and think before you speak." She took a step back and watched Quinn's eyes comically widen and then laugh loudly, unabashed and without reserve. "A may have assimilated to New York a little." She finished with a cheeky smirk and loved how she was still able to make the serious woman laugh.

"Let's get out of here," the blonde said, shaking her head and strode to the check out. With polite conversation Quinn bought her book while Rachel stood close to her, finding the blonde's vanilla perfume a perfect mingle to the book smell. The smell was overpowered by a dense wetness that was in the air. She gazed up and saw an impending, gloomy sky. It was going to pour soon.

After Quinn had gently placed her book in the back seat she immediately grabbed her ipod and then started the car. Rachel hadn't intended to buy anything and was content to spend time with her…ex..friend…casual sex friend…? She was lost in thought and thought herself square for trying to label them. Quinn seemed fine with their set up as she breathed easily and scrolled through her music, but her thoughts stopped when Taylor Swift's voice came through the speakers after soft guitar. That was another shock and the list was piling up and up. More shock when Quinn started to sing the Ed Sheeran part while she backed up. Without waiting for Quinn to possibly sing Taylor Swifts part she took over and then they were singing a duet together and she was glad she was sitting because she was floored by how emotional her ex…friend..casual...WHATEVER..was. When the song ended the car was silent for a few seconds and Rachel took the break to find her speaking voice. It was strange singing was far easier than having a conversation when she was thinking the lyrics described them and she stopped herself from over analyzing if Quinn felt the same. She wasn't about to ask.

"I didn't think you liked Taylor Swift…let alone that you'd know all the words," she tried for something safe.

Without missing a beat Quinn shrugged and said, "I think Taylor Swift and I would be friends in another life," then took the opportunity at the stop sign in the middle of nowhere to find another song. She skipped over I Knew You Were Trouble because it was too obvious and she'd listened to it enough when they had broken up cause it made her feel a little lighter and laugh through it.

For something fun she played 'Everything We Touch' by Say Lou Lou even though it seemed like a song to play at night. Her steering wheel was as good as a stand in for a drum as she made it back to Rachel's house. She kept the car running as she parked at the curb and turned down her music.

"I'll…see you tomorrow." Rachel said tentatively and Quinn was about to reply but was cut off. "Unless..you want to do something tomorrow?"

"Um…my back needs a break," she said, assuming unsafely that Rachel wanted to come over specifically for sex. She couldn't hear Quinn fully over loud pounding of the rain hitting the roof.

"No..no. I was thinking the park..and we're not having sex in public," she tried to joke and pulled up the weather app on her phone to make certain it the rain would stop by then. "I can pick you up at…two and we can just walk…and listen to your music," she offered when the sun symbol was showing on her screen, but she was already planning on getting kites and hoping to get a laugh from Quinn at how kid-like it would be and frivolous fun but she noticed Quinn frown more and be at war with herself. She took a deep breath through her nose.

"Okay,"she said tensely and didn't add anything more though the brunette waited for her to say anything more than that infernal word. When it was clear that was all Quinn was going to offer she got out of the car. She wasn't angry, she didn't exactly have a right to have anger directed at Quinn but it was more difficult than she thought to try to be friends with her or anything that wasn't this limbo. She didn't watch as Quinn drove away. This wasn't a date, there weren't wasting time together but it was all a grey area.

The next twenty-four hours went by in a blur for them with the mundane, reading, dinner with her father, a quiet dinner with mother, and a trip to the store to pick up kites.

WEDNESDAY

The half of the day Quinn spent with the kids, laughing, playing, and dancing. They listened most of the time and she only had to put her foot down and channel the HBIC twice which based on Maggie's large eyes seemed like she was instilling the fear of god into her. The departure was full of high fives though and she headed back to her house to take a nap before Rachel said she'd come over. Fifteen minutes had passed and she still hadn't fallen asleep, though she had silenced her phone and had driven back without music so she could give her mind a chance to relax. She groaned, threw back the covers and went to her dresser to grab yoga pants, tank top and sports bra. Slowly she changed and raised her hands above her head and breathed so deep and long her spine cracked and held the position for ten seconds. She shook out her arms and did the move again five more times. When she felt her shoulders loosen she moved her hips backward and she brought her hands to the floor and held that for another ten seconds. She stepped her feet back one at a time and bent her elbows as though she were doing a push up but instead brought her hands together and alternated between thirty second planks and downward facing dog for the next ten minutes until she got bored, shook out her hands, squared her shoulders and fluidly moved into a warrior pose. Rachel found her in that position with her eyes closed, looking so focused and at ease that she didn't want to interrupt and marvel at how Quinn looked like a statue.

"Quinn.."she said softly, to not startle her and possibly have her trip and fall or something that could lead to injury. The blonde stood smoothly and Rachel took the moment to look at Quinn in her clothes but shook her head when she had to innocently think about flying kites.

"Rachel," she frowned and glanced at her clock. It was a little past two and she glanced back at Rachel who looked a mixture of adorable and sexy in another skirt and loose black tank top. "I'll change," she said and was already half way to her dresser but felt herself being turned around and lips meeting hers. It was one of the gentlest kisses Rachel had given her since she started this and she was released before she could really reply.

"That was one for the road," she reasoned and slipped back out of the room to her car to wait for Quinn who didn't have time to process if she was angry, which was the quickest emotion to jump to or to simply enjoy Rachel being cute and bending her rules a little. Flipping through her closet she picked a blue dress that was sheer from the chest to shoulders with white flower prints. The person in the mirror looked in control, like she knew where her life was going, the steps she'd need to achieve her goals and she found comfort in that it had taken her years to like herself and she did now.

In what could have been a blink she and Rachel were at the park. Sunglasses on as she looked around as Rachel said she had to get something from the trunk.

A bright red ribbon wove around her legs, tickling her skin, and hazel eyes could have looked like they had become younger to the brunette if Quinn didn't have them covered.

"If you play anything from _Mary Poppins_ on your ipod during this I will push you into the lake. You've been warned," Rachel said with such happiness and with her arm out as a peace offering for her threat that held a red, diamond shaped kite. With a matching smile Quinn took the object and then pulled out her modern comfort blanket. "But you should play something that's fitting…"

Her ipod clicked a few times and she smirked at Rachel who was basically making a request to a DJ.

A playful guitar came through and Rachel recognized the voice but not the song. Lily Allen sang a cover of to The Kooks' 'Naive' she read after she took the ipod from Quinn. "I'm not sayin' it was your fault although you could have done more."

She tuned out a little until Quinn stared at her when the lyrics "such a sweet and pretty face" came through the speaker. And she wanted to ask Quinn why she was chose this but waited, seeing how it would play out and heard "hold onto your kite." Quinn bobbed her head a little to the music but seemed pensive and listened to the lyrics to try to understand why. Slowly it seeped in why Quinn would pick this song. As fun as it was she saw Quinn look off into nothing when "just don't let me down" was repeated.

The breeze picked up and Quinn shut her eyes, took in a serene breath and lifted the kite. She couldn't remember the last time she had frivolous fun that didn't involve work. The kites rose higher and higher as they stood, music drowned out by the wind and laughing children in the background.

Rachel was nervous when she dropped them off. This was more date-like than any activity they'd done since summer started. There was slight hope Quinn would invite her in for dinner but she wasn't surprised when the blonde had said, "thanks for today, I'll see you tomorrow." And shut the door without giving her a kiss. It wasn't her goal to have Quinn kiss her, but she would have welcomed it. Even a hug. Though she understood Quinn's hesitancy as best she could when the blonde looked torn between giving a hug or going inside and likely shutting out the world with her books. A hug was never just a hug between them.

Quinn may have been predictable when she grabbed her new book and picked up a few chapters in. The house was incredibly quiet. It didn't often feel lived in and there were times she would come downstairs and startle her mother who didn't realize she was home. She wouldn't correct her that this wasn't her home, she felt more at home at Yale. It wasn't something as easy as a place, it held comfort, promises that she could be herself and not worry about being proper. It was even acceptable she had a fling with one of her female professor and the little white lie to Santana was worth the two slap fight they had.

That was then, simple as that. She was enjoying her summer and the freedom of not having a class schedule. With a calmness she fell into an early sleep, content to be where she was and who she was.

THURSDAY

They were puppets and she very much doubted the puppet master was god but emotions. Damn, fickle, humanizing emotions that made her kiss Rachel that much harder, try to have her that much closer while time allowed them. She had pressed her mouth against Rachel's skin in a mix of gentle devotion and devouring passion that Rachel matched as they tried to exhaust one another. Hours later and with strained voices Rachel had stretched and gone into the bathroom.

"Quinn...where's the toothpaste?" She moved things in the drawer around and groaned that she had reorganized. "Quinn..." she tried as she pushed bottles of moisturizer around.._explains why she had great skin.._ "Babe, where's the toothpaste?"

"I told you not to call me that." Quinn said as she sat up in bed and glared at the smaller woman who seemed even more petite under the intensity of hazel eyes.

"It slipped..I'm...I'm sorry." She attempted to find the words but felt like she had whiplash from Quinn's change in mood.

"You can leave." The blonde said unwavering.

"You can't be serious." Rachel said, floored by how incredulous the blonde could be. She thought they…she was past that.

"I am." And she narrowed her eyes further as though adding the word deadly for good measure.

"Quinn. It slipped. It's something I used to say and it comes naturally..." she tried to reason and pulled the sheet closer to her because it felt she was being reprimanded and she was naked. Somehow it made it worse.

"It was 1 of the rules!" She said raising her voice.

"Screw your rules." Rachel challenged back. _This is absurd. I say one thing and ruin the entire night? _She had come over with massage oils and had worked out the tension in the blonde's scarred back for an hour before Quinn had flipped her over, kissed her cheeks, her temples, her eyes, her nose and finally her lips in such a lazy fashion it felt like they were immortals who had all the time in the world to get lost in each other.

"Then I won't screw you so to speak," and Quinn said it on reflex but if she thought about it she wouldn't have worded it so crassly.

"..wow.. Quinn." Brown eyes glared back. "It was an accident." She said more concretely.

"I don't care. I was adamant about it. You can leave. Now."

"Unbelievable!" She said as her eyes widened, hand on her hips, and it could have been intimidating if Rachel wasn't in Quinn's dark grey fucking sheet. A robe would have been better but Quinn was in it.

"I need you to leave." Quinn said as she looked at her bed. She was already in thinking mode, forming a to do list: _laundry, late dinner, shower. No, shower first._ She had to get Rachel off her. This screwed up

_Unbelievable!_

"Fine, I'll see you Monday." She said as she picked up her clothes.

"Make it Thursday." Quinn watched Rachel stop from her mid bend and slowly rise.

"No. I'll leave now, but not before you hear this." And she fixed her eyes on Quinn, making it clear she there was no other option. She was going to express herself, not because she was a singer, not because it was in her soul to be honest but because she respected herself too much to let this continue and have Quinn bully her as she had in high school and she hated that Quinn was regressing. She squeezed her jeans in her hand and didn't bother to put them on yet as she took a deep breath. "I agreed to this because it was better than nothing. I said we weren't friends because we NEVER were Quinn. There was always something more, tension, attraction, potential. Whatever you want to call it, we had that from the start. And I don't want to do this forever. I can't. I want to walk around the city with you, hold your hand, take you to MOMA so I can look at you more than the art. I want to talk to you about our friends and how Brittany assumed I would be your plus one to their wedding but Santana sent me a text basically screaming she'd kill me and get away with it after years of imagining how if I came with you and she'd been binge watching How to Get Away with Murder. And I want to go with you but I did search for personal protection. And I want to try to watch movies with you even though we'll make out. I want to take you to Broadway shows, I want you to take me to your bookstores. I want to listen to your music and kiss you whenever you look at me like I should. I want you to kiss me on New Years. I want to compromise and see you more when school starts. I want to dance with you and laugh and love you. And I want it all on any day that ends in y." She finished with a huff. And she waited while Quinn looked at her without giving away any emotions. She waited until she felt a shiver but realized Quinn wasn't going to offer her anything. She had to process and Rachel had to leave because it was disappointing to give so much honesty and have the reply of something as painful as nothing.

For sanity she went into the bathroom, gently closed the door and dressed. She knew she wasn't going to see Quinn Thursday. It was impossible to think she could shut off her emotions, be with Quinn and not love her, but she exited the bathroom and didn't look at Quinn who seemed lost in thought as she left the bedroom.

WEDNESDAY-NEXT WEEK

Her phone beeped and she glanced over to see a message from Quinn flashed. She looked back at her weekly skype date with Kurt and saw him raise his eyebrows. He was like her gay fairy godfather in the best way, but she was glad he wasn't sharing his many comments on the subject of Quinn.

"I've gotta go anyway Rachel, fill me in," he said without demand and gave her the barest smile knowing things with Rachel and Quinn were never easy.

"Thanks Kurt, I'll give you my notes on your untitled production soon," she replied, wanting to help him with his project that was in its pre-teen stage and closed out of the session.

She took a moment to center herself and tentatively reached for her phone, feeling an array of sadness and anger that Quinn hadn't tried to stop her from leaving and was replying days later. She frowned when she realized it wasn't even a conversation but a youtube link. With a sigh she set the phone back down and closed her eyes in meditation. To click the link or not was a mantra. With a groan she chose to commit herself to the madness that was the dynamic of Quinn…of her and Quinn.

'Work Song' by Hozier played and she listened as though it would tell her what Quinn was thinking, what she could possibly be feeling. The repeat symbol could have been worn down if it was a button. She'd lost track of the absurd amount of times she'd listened to it and eventually memorized it when she realized this was the embodiment of Quinn. A reply to Quinn's text didn't warrant a conversation but she still considered if they could have a relationship beyond what they had before. There was the temptation to go talk to Quinn instead of text that could feel cold and impersonal. A safety barrier that only allowed one sense to be used, missing out on facial expressions, body language and she didn't want a partial of the blonde who was hesitant to ever wear her heart on her sleeve. Rachel knew she did, but that was another difference between herself and her ex. She analyzed the song, Quinn, their similarities and differences as the days passed, sang Hozier's song as she showered, in the car and practically in her sleep…. "_when my time comes around lay me gently in the cold, dark earth_, _no grave can hold my body down, I'll crawl home to her." _

The doorbell rang and Rachel tiredly went to answer. It was a little after she had finished her morning workout and grabbed a zip up sweater. Opening the door to a stranger in a tank top wasn't her idea of a fun time. Though she was raised by kind men they were very aware of her safety and she was thankful she had the upbringing she did in comparison to others. She had ordered presents for the father's birthday and UPS was consistent.

She opened the door, looked at the ground expecting her packages to be on the ground but found heels and legs. When her eyes slowly, finally reached up to hazel ones she had memorized with all their golden detail she said with confusion, "Quinn." For a second she felt stupid for stating the obvious but this was…Quinn being unexpected…again. The taller girl stood still, the only nervous habit of small clenches and un-clenching of her right hand. "Can I help you?" Rachel asked when they stood in silence that was reaching an uncomfortable level.

"You." She said without an accusatory edge and closed her eyes.

"Me?" Rachel said in a what did I do tone that could have made Quinn give one of her half smirk, half smile if she wasn't trying to find the courage to say the words she'd been meaning to say for days…months.

"Quinn…"the brunette tried gently and watched as the woman that she knew once as a girl stand taller and stronger.

"You feel like home to me."

The weight of the words and tone of absolute truth slowly seeped into Rachel. With a small step forward she reached out and took a pale, restless hand in hers, stilling it into a calmness that Quinn rarely experienced. Even slower she moved closer to Quinn, slid her hand to her lower back and pulled her closer until she was looking up thinking, more so believed _heaven and hell were words to me…I've felt both with Quinn. And it's worth it. _She raised up, content to meet half way when Quinn bent down and kissed her in a way that held quotes, emotions, lyrics, and layers that Rachel willingly knew and accepted she'd take the rest of her life deciphering.

The End

* * *

End Note: The instrumental music Quinn plays is _The Beginners_ Theme. The quote she thinks of in the book store is by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. Please pardon my long author notes. It's not even amusing how much I listened to 'Work Song' by Hozier while writing this. This took longer to post due to finding the Carmilla PDF because who wouldn't want to read:"I have been in love with no one. And never shall." She whispered. "Unless it should be with you."

Thank you for reading.


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